It may not seem that way, but I'm a big fan of simplicity in reviews. My theory is that, unless you are doing something all hip and new-games-journalismy, the review should really let the reader know where its going in that first paragraph. Maybe not in an overly overt way, but the feeling and meter of the review should be known almost immediately. With that said, Left 4 Dead 2 is like Left 4 Dead but with more stuff and not as good. If you wanted to, you could just stop reading. My mission has been accomplished. You now know my opinion on the game and can extrapolate from there. Will you take my word on it, knowing my opinions on other similar games and how highly I regard the original Left 4 Dead in gaming lore? Or will you disagree, knowing that I'm kind of a pretentious dork and seem to occasionally have opinions that go against the grain of the average gamer? The odds are, you have already made your decision on what you are going to get out of this review, much like gamers already made their decisions on how they were going to feel about the sequel to Left 4 Dead.   Go towards the light.               Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I was never a member of those silly Left 4 Dead 2 boycott groups. It didn't really bother me too much that a sequel was coming out so soon after the original. I was a little bit bitter at the lack of official DLC available for the original, and more bitter that this would fracture the modding community and lead to less interesting maps and modifications for the original game. This was kind of tragic since the original is still an entirely up to date and fun to play game. This may be one of the few multiplayer based titles with a previous incarnation that will see continued play from me. I mean, I'm not exactly going to pop in the original Modern Warfare anytime soon, but I'll still go back to Left 4 Dead. That wouldn't be a negative if it were because I was still so infatuated with that game that others just couldn't hold a candle to it. While that may be partly true, the reason Left 4 Dead still has an appeal is because of the flaws in L4D2 that are just too glaring to deal with. Actually, just one big flaw that hurts the game so much in my eyes that I find it hard to give it the suggestion that we all bow to it like it is a monolith ready to teach us how to use weapons.   Man From Deep Water               Before I get there though, Left 4 Dead is an improvement in many ways on the original. The graphics are roughly the same but use some newer effects and make things seem revamped and nicer. A little bit crisper, as they say. Seeing the maps in daylight is a nice change of pace and gives the engine a chance to continually flex its muscles that just seem to never get dated. The dialog between the characters is fantastic, although the characters aren't as endearing as the Fab Four in the original. Not that this really matters all that much really, but it is a source of contention in some places. Also improved are most of the modes. Realism is great and gives those lucky few of us graced with the ability to survive this game on expert an extra challenge without making the difficulty cheap, just different. Expert takes a bit more skill and cunning now since the additional infected will really tax your traditional strategies as you pick your way across the zombie infested realms. This also applies to the new Scavenge mode and the ever entertaining Survival mode. Scavenge is doubly taxing because of the added element of dealing with human controlled infected, and Survival is made more challenging then the original simply by having the newer infected around keeping you from really latching down into one spot. Both of these improvements were things I wanted in the original game. I thought it would be made better with more “objectives” and set pieces which L4D2 has a good amount of, and that Survival would be made better with more spots to hole up in possible.   Killer Klowns From the Korn Dog Booth               Now, we get to Versus, and the reason I can't tell you to run out and buy this game. Versus is, to put simply, broken. All the good parts of the original were removed for a new, easier, luck based system. The great improvements in singleplayer just remove any semblance of strategy. Melee is overpowered, and the addition of the new infected bring the total of special infected with immediate incap ability to four. No longer is the “three hunter, one smoker” gift a rare and wonderful occurrence. A jockey, a charger, a hunter, and a smoker happens often enough to give even the worst organized teams a chance to get a quick win. When you take the new scoring system based more on distance than anything else, entirely removing any piece of strategy about when to use and keep health packs for extra points, and it just gets more frustrating. The scoring system routinely leads to frustration for good teams. You can win three or four rounds and still lose thanks to a cheap mistake in the finale, or maybe even a normal non-finale round. This would happen on rare occasions in the original, but like the ease of incap heavy combos of infected, it happens far too often for comfort in this version.   Ain't no love like gnome love.               The conspiracy theorist in me has an idea for why they changed something that wasn't broken in the first place and made it as neutered as Bob Barker's pets. This hurts me to say, and I'm sorry that I'm accusing you of this Valve, but I think this was an effort to take a step further towards the consolification of the game. This, to me, is the greatest offense a developer for the PC platform can ever make. All of the changes that I see in Versus mode scream “make this easier for people on Xbox Live, and damn the PC enthusiasts that got us here” much the same way the inexplicable decisions Infinity Ward made for Modern Warfare 2 were. To me, the PC will always be the superior gaming system. The fact that newer consoles are just becoming more and more like computers is proof of this. But the Xbox Live experience for Left 4 Dead Classic was always lacking. On the PC, a well organized team could stomp a few rounds of pubbers, but eventually they would meet another well organized team and have a few good matches. On Xbox, that seemed to never happen. A well organized team could destroy random groups all day long. Making luck and distance more of a modifier than skill and strategy balances that by giving everyone a chance to win. So, that right there is why I can't give Left 4 Dead 2 the same glorious hyperbole that I did for its predecessor. Everything else is great, and the game is still fun, but Versus was always the brains and butter of this game for me. With it in such a lacking state, this game can only be seen to me as a supplement to the original and nothing more despite its seemingly large amount of improvements. Sorry Valve, I still love you though.  

I hate to weigh in on something that everybody else in this industry is going to write some hit generating cop out article for, but I just can't sit by and watch this nonsense happening without making a knee-jerk argument against it. First, to honor full disclosure, I should let you all know something. I shot every single civilian I could in "No Russian." Every. Single. One. Did I do it because I'm some sick freak who loves watching innocent people die? Of course not. Did I do it because Infinity Ward put that in the game for a reason in order to tell a narrative and, out of respect to them and their artistic vision I should play it? Partly. Mostly I spilled the blood of every poor little ragdoll because the people whining about this scene are so outrageously hypocritical that I felt it was my duty to shoot these innocent lines of code just to spite them. My problem here isn't that the Jack Thompson's of the world are going to rail against this game for how far across the line it apparently stepped. That always happens. People who don't understand video games or want to place blame for terrible parenting or just plain crazy people doing terrible things are always going to gravitate towards video games because it is an interactive medium and they don't understand it. They are like your grandparents trying to text message you. This is nothing new and it doesn't even bother me anymore. What does bother me, nay infuriates me, is reading gamers and, even worse, video game journalists and people within the industry joining these people in their outrage. Maybe this just pisses me off more than most people because of my well known pretentious views on gaming journalism, or how I feel video games should be considered as much of an art form as anything else. Maybe this all just pisses me off because it made me so angry I had to look like a hypocrite myself by writing an article about video game journalism even though I've already mentioned how annoying I find it when games journalists write about games journalism. This is my soap box though, and I'll do what I want. The problem I have with people from our side of the line whining about this like a bunch of misguided soccer moms is that these hypocrites have most likely at one point either A) complained about censorship in games or, even worse than that, B) done articles about how video games should be considered equals with movies and television. This is why these people should have their licenses revoked from video game commentary. If video games should be held equal, then why aren't you writing articles about how outraged you were that an entire city got nuked in 24? Or how about all the innocent people that get gunned down in Battlestar Galactica? Isn't that crossing a line too if Modern Warfare is? All entertainment is created equal, right? It is ridiculous to see colleagues who preach that video games are no longer a mindless diversion just for kids and can be used to address serious issues or even be considered works of art all of a sudden lose their spine when it comes to this. Whats even worse is that they are undermining the games journalism industry by doing it. My predominant theory is that these people, I won't name names but I'm sure you've read their commentary and articles, smell hits like sharks to a bleeding whale. Of course most gaming journalists are going to say this is "nbd" and par for the course and, hopefully, have a similar opinion to me. But these divas, these jellyfish who seem to suddenly think video games can't be a difficult commentary on real life, know that by going against the grain people will go and read their insipid and hypocritical viewpoint. Video games aren't just mindless escapism anymore. They can be entirely engrossing, conflicting, intelligent narratives on any number of subjects. They should be taken as equal with any other form of entertainment or statement. To undermine it in the name of getting some cheap hits is sickening. What is even worse is the alternative that some journalists and gamers in this industry really ARE unintelligent hypocrites who want to put on their Moral White Knight Guy Fawkes mask and rail away at the idea of shooting a few innocents in a video game right before they go to the movies and watch Gerard Butler cut a swath of destruction through Philadelphia. It scares me that these people don't realize how hypocritical they actually are. So, moral of the story, you can't have your cake and eat it too. If you want games to be taken seriously as a medium for artistic expression and entertainment, you are going to have to deal with video games actually addressing serious things. If not, well, I guess you can always review puzzle games. Or maybe those would be too challenging for you too.  

"Stop the presses!” The young journalist yelled this at the top of his lungs while he came careening into the office, his feet sliding comically and he is forced to regain his balance before he crashes into some of his peers at a stereotypically dense water cooler area. “You've gotta stop the presses!” Everybody simply looked at eachother, the awkwardness is thick in the air like smoke in a dive bar. “Uh, man. This is an internet publication. We, uh, don't have presses” said one of the newest interns. Behind him one of the longer tenured writers let out an audible sigh. The young, intelligent, handsome, and well-bearded journalist stared at him with his jaw slack. The surprise was visible on his face. “Well, put down your quilled pens and quit typing on your mimeograph machines! I've got a scoop!” The rest of his compatriots in journalistic arms seemed less than thrilled. “You guys aren't going to believe this, it has never happened before in the history of gaming.” The bearded, brilliant, and incredibly talented journalist was now getting more animated with his hands. He knocked a stack of papers off a desk at arms length and they sprawled across the ground like enormous rectangular snowflakes.               “Well, what is it?” asked the intern. He had never been a part of a 'scoop' before and the idea slightly excited him. The bearded gentleman bounded over a desk, knocking over a plastic travel container of Columbian brew with just a touch of Bailey's in it, and grabbed the new hire by his shoulders, shaking him violently and yelling excitedly into his face. “It is unfathomable! It is as if the precursor of the end times is upon us!” he was still shaking his comrade, “Everyone get your gas masks out! Watch out for Captain Tripps! It is the beginning of the end! Repent!” The shaking continued. The intern flailed feebly, trying to make the shaking stop before he threw up his vegan lunch. “St-... Stop. What are you talking about?” “Here, have a seat, you are in hysterics!” The paragon of manliness in journalist form pulled a chair out and shoved the intern into it. “Are you alright? Do you need any water? Someone get this man some water! He can't handle this news!” “What news! I don't need water, what the hell are you talking about!”               The bearded journalist, who was probably very good at pleasing the ladies, threw his arms up in exasperation, his press badge shimmering in the flourescent light of the office. “It finally happened, young intern! It finally happened!” The intern was both slightly worried and slightly annoyed, something the rest of the office had grown used to after working around this particular writer, and stared flustered at the man. “Those crazy bastards have finally done it!” The intern tried to stand up but was pushed back into the chair, for his own good. “What have they done,” he asked excitedly and earnestly. Many other writers had, at this point, begun to pay attention to their work and ignore the theatrics near the water cooler. “They've finally made a good Batman game!”             The gathered employees let out a collective groan. The intern was now even more confused, and a little bit nauseous thanks to the half minute of violent shaking. “Wait... what?” “Don't you realize what this means, it means that hell has officially frozen over and the dead will soon walk the Earth! A good Batman game is an impossible occurrence. You,” he pointed at one of his colleagues, “I hope you have insurance against raining frogs on that SUV monstrosity you drive.” He paused for a second, “Oh and I've been siphoning gas out of your tank for weeks now.” “You did wh-” “There is no time!” the writer with the fantastic beard and impeccable fashion taste interrupted, “We have to address the fact that Batman: Arkham Asylum isn't just the best Batman game, or the best game based on a comic book license, it might be one of the best games of this console generation!” The intern scratched his chin, which was sporting a goatee and not a beard as impressive as the excited writer, “Why does that mean the world is ending?” “Don't you see man! We are all at risk!” He stood up on a desk and knocked a box of paperclips to the floor, spilling its contents, When games based on properties as maligned as Batman start becoming this good, Armageddon must be upon us. Everything about this game is well crafted and entertaining. Everything! Look!” He began to pick up the paper clips, one at a time, and placing them in his other hand. “In Batman: Arkham Asylum this would be fun, you pretty much do exactly this for hours and have a good time doing it! Because the Riddler is making you! Right now it just sucks though.” He threw the handful of paper clips towards the copier, scattering them across the room and into the mugs of a few coworkers. “The graphics are fantastic and absolutely capture the feel of the Dark Knight without just copping out and making everything all dark and edgy. Even the music helps add to the atmosphere! It is almost as if the people creating this game actually were Batman fans and understood what other fans would want out of a game! Mind blowing!”               He began to gesture wildly, his manly beard adding to his rugged good looks and authority, “I hope you all have bomb shelters to go home to, because Batman: Arkham Asylum even got the plot right. It plays like an extended Batman: The Animated Series episode, and it doesn't hurt that they used some of the voice actors from that wonderful addition to animated television lore either. Mark Hamil's Joker is arguably better than Heath Ledger's! And even though you don't face every Batman protagonist, enough clues and small nods are made to all the important ones that infinite sequels are already set up. Not to mention Harley Quinn looking like my dream girl- I always did love fetish models.” The intern seemed slightly disturbed now, “F-.. Fetish models?” The writer looked down at him and shook his head disapprovingly, “You just aren't living if you don't know what I'm talking about. But the beautiful art of bondage has nothing to do with this! This is life and death. The last decent Batman game came out on the Super Nintendo! And I'm fairly confident something terrible happened somewhere at sometime after that. Now that Batman: Arkham Asylum has come out and offered us an incredibly fun combat system, with a simple and fluent combo mechanic that leads to some awesome choreography, and stealth parts that are almost as deep as Metal Gear Solid with the amount of ways you can dispatch enemies, something has to blow up somewhere to even the cosmic scale! The amount of strategy you can employ here to add to the games already extensive replay value makes this a no brainer for a purchase, the only thing you don't get to do as Batman is drive the Batmobile, and after suffering through those levels in the last Batman game I'm perfectly fine with that limitation.”               He turned abruptly and began to run out the door. His shoes, which matched his outfit in a way that only the most fashionable could recognize, pounded against the gray berber carpet as he moved. “This game was just too good. I'm still going to be playing Challenge Mode months from now! Well, if we had months! I've got to go kiss my girlfriend good bye and start formulating a plan to fight off the demons from hell that will surely be breaking through the Earth and destroying all we hold dear! Make peace with your loved ones, the end of days is nigh!” He snatched a jacket hanging from the back of a chair, an occupied chair, and began to tie it around his neck like a cape as he disappeared from the room. The intern sat dumbfounded and confused after witnessing that incredibly good looking and eloquent gentleman warn the room of the end of the world, he turned to the closest person to him, a woman from accounting, and asked “What the hell was that about?” The woman raised an eyebrow, “You get used to it. He did the same thing when Tunnel Rats: 1968 came out.”

"ExploitaFest Wrap Up” continued from page 42. showed many exploitation mainstays like Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and the venerable I Spit on Your Grave. However, it is the lesser known films that keep me going to the theaters yearly marathon of the classics in “grindhouse” cinema. In the past I have discovered some great flicks here, two recent examples being the Japanese chambara films Hanzo the Blade and Sex & Fury, that had gone under my radar previously. I've come to expect a surprise or two from this run-down, single screen theater in the heart of the city. Hell, this theater probably is the heart of the city. Decaying, poorly maintained, and slowly succumbing to the more modern sprawl around it- how about that for a social commentary on our culture? I digress- this year did not disappoint in the pleasant surprise department. Although “pleasant” may not be the best word to describe a fairly traditional revenge drama as blood soaked at this one was. The name of the film in question is WET. I remember seeing a short trailer for WET in this same theater during a double feature of Ms. 45 and Thriller – A Cruel Picture. I mentally tagged it in my head to check it out but it got lost in the shuffle until now.                       It would be easy to someone who isn't a fan of the exploitation genre to simply ignore WET or call it a Tarantino rip off and end it right there. This is a bit of a “high concept” and is really made to be enjoyed most by those of us packed into this grungy building to enjoy films like it. It would be fairly hard to explain the appeal of something like WET to somebody who considers Kingdom of Heaven or 300 to be among the most violent movies around- not to play the “they just don't get it” card, but they just wouldn't get it. The beauty of this movie is made much stronger when you are familiar with its grimy influences. WET is a pretty visceral experience. Rubi seems to have a grab bag of acrobatic moves to dispatch the minions that stand between her and her ultimate revenge. Her concentration and speed are so thoroughly trained that she can actually slow down the events around her and pick off enemies one at a time- or just slash through the guts of three of them who were unfortunate enough to be standing close together. Sure, this is an effect we have seen in many films, but not quite to this extreme. I never saw Keanu Reeves do a wall-run into a front flip and cut someone in half with his samurai sword, I just saw him turn into Jesus or whatever that ridiculous ending was supposed to mean.                       Speaking of Jesus, WET isn't exactly the greatest story ever told, but it is certainly an entertaining romp. It actually has a good amount in common with Lady Snowblood, and by proxy the Kill Bill movies. That doesn't mean it doesn't stand out on its own merits, however. Unlike Lady Snowblood, Rubi is a bit more of a bombastic personality, and also there isn't any rape involved- think of WET as a rape-revenge film without the former. It also doesn't have any foot fetish shots, so at the very least it has that to distance itself from the Tarantino comparisons. What was I talking about? Oh, the story. Rubi is an assassin, she is tricked by a drug lord who hires her for a mission and is left for dead. Of course it doesn't take long for her to recover and slide, slash, and shoot her way through to the mastermind. If there is one thing I've learned from these movies its that if a girl is wielding a sword or dual pistols, she probably has more lives than a cat. One of the most refreshing things about Rubi is, her catlike inability to die not withstanding, she takes a realistic amount of punishment. She isn't superhuman, she may be superbadass, but she still takes her fair share of punishment and still limps her way to the films rewarding climax. I'm also trying my hardest to not make a pun about the fact I used the word climax in a review of something with the title WET.                       WET may be a modern take on some classic genre tropes, but the visual feel of the production seems to be missing something. It would be hard to call it dated due to the older movies and style it is influenced by, but still, there is a slight unpolished look to it that the director tried to hide under a flim grain filter. This doesn't detract from the main selling point of WET (really most movies from this weekends film festival) and that is the unrepentant violence. The unrefined visual feel of the movie also takes a backseat to an absolutely amazing soundtrack. Each action scene is punctuated by some incredible surf-punk tunes that not only go perfectly with WET's frenzied pace but also enhance the action sequences dramatically.                       While this highly stylized violence may eventually get repetitive to some viewers in later acts, the breakneck pacing of the story and the fact the action never actually slows down to catch its breath helps to alleviate any feelings of doldrum. I have to admit though, I wasn't really too sold on WET being anything but a bloody one trick pony until a scene where our vulgar heroine, played by the wonderful Eliza Dushku, is falling from an exploding plane at an unimaginable height. In this scene she is not only hurling herself towards a parachute, but she is also dodging exploding debris and shooting foes from the sky. Rubi certainly puts my multitasking abilities to shame- I almost got into an accident trying to set my GPS to find an Indian restaurant near the theater while driving. During the aforementioned scene, the movie not me getting cursed at for cutting someone off, I actually had to turn to the guy next to me and ask him “How could anybody not like this?” He didn't answer, as he was too interested in whatever game he had in his Nintendo DS at the time. I wanted to ask him what he was playing, but I knew whatever it was it wasn't as interesting as what we were witnessing on this screen, so I left him alone to his game. I mean, It isn't like a video game could ever capture the feel and entertainment of this genre adequately anyway. Right? Make sure to check out issue 91 next month- Gavin reviews the DVD re-releases of The Mountain of the Cannibal God and Eaten Alive!, and even adds a story about taking a girl to see Man From Deep River on a first date! Ouch!

Halo 3: ODST is the best Halo game made so far. Now, what that actually means and if that is a backhanded compliment is up to some debate. It also depends greatly on the level of your Halo fanboyism. If you are like me and find the overall plot to be kind of goofy and the multiplayer to be underwhelming in the face of so many other, better multiplayer experiences, you are obviously going to have a differing opinion from somebody who constantly wishes a PIN could be three numbers instead of four so theirs could be 117 or owns a Xbox 360 and hasn't purchased a game since Halo 3 dropped into their lap like Chris Rock in Dogma. The fact of the matter is, and I absolutely hate to parrot facts that every games journalist across the internet is already hammering into the ground, if you like Halo you will love ODST, if you don't like Halo you probably won't- the variable is that ODST is just different enough to make it appealing to the anti-Halo crowd. Still, despite my many issues with the franchise I still find ODST to be the most appealing game out of all of them. In fact, if ODST was Halo 3 and Halo 3 was the overpriced expansion pack, and by that I mean ODST was made up of 20+ hours of gameplay and Halo 3 was only the 5 to 8 you get from this game, I would probably have a more favorable opinion of the series. Many of the issues I have with the Halo franchise are fixed, or at least downplayed- although new issues are introduced because of it. Consider it a double edged energy sword, but not quite as cheap.                         Speaking of cheap, I'm not even going to consider the second disc included with ODST in whether or not this game is worth a purchase.  ODST offers a very solid single player experience that would have surpassed anything else the franchise did if it wasn't only a handful of hours. This is the most focused and empathetic any Halo storyline has ever been. This is to be expected considering you aren't controlling the over the top superhuman Master Chief and are, instead, in control of a rookie Orbital Drop Shock Trooper separated and isolated from his team in an incredibly hostile environment. The ODS troopers may have an intimidating and fancy name, but they are really just regular soldiers. No health regen, no Incredible Hulk jumps or feats of strength. This is an incredibly welcome change and forces you to greatly alter the simple strategy you were used to in the previous Halo games. You are no longer a tank who can go into a hot area with guns blazing, you have to actually use a slow approach and hope your gun play can get you out of sticky situations instead of your enhancements. While you don't technically have a shield to recharge, you do have “stamina” which sort of acts the same way except much less powerful. This is just one of a two headed monster that makes you want to stay out of harms way, the other head is entirely aesthetic- the visual and sound effects that alert you to taking damage are the most god awful things I have ever seen. If you take damage, any damage, your screen takes a red hue and an incessant heart rate monitor begins to go off. Imagine the low/no shields noise in Halo and breed it with the noise it makes when you scrape your fingernails against a chalkboard or a baby.                         The gameplay is pretty easy to grasp as the Rookie- walk around New Mombassa, flip on your night vision, fight some bad guys, retrieve a beacon. This would get repetitive real quick if this were the only thing to the game, but each chapter gives you the opportunity to play a flashback of sorts as one of the other ODST members. These missions are quite different from the surviving as The Rookie and are more in the vein of traditional Halo chapters. As the Rookie in the eerie and quiet city, you can stick to the shadows and avoid confrontation to keep yourself alive. As your team members play more like the linear and loud Halo you have come to know and (maybe) love. The pacing is brisk and it is very hard to get stuck somewhere even with the newly open world. It might take a bit of getting used to for Halo vets but it will won't ever get dull. Nothing that really happens during the storyline is entirely original, but it is all refreshing in regards to what you have come to expect from Halo. You can also play the story mode co-op but it honestly feels like you lose a bit of the appeal during The Rookie's scenes when you are causing havoc with three friends. The noir atmosphere just comes off better when you are playing with yourself. Not literally, of course, as that would make the game very difficult to concentrate on.                         The multiplayer elements also extend to the brand new Firefight mode, which actually shares more of a relation to Left 4 Dead's survival mode than any current Halo multiplayer mode. In this, you and a team of humans face wave after wave after wave of Covenant AI and try to survive as long as you possibly can. It is simple and, like the best parts of ODST, a departure from the Halo formula. The longer you last, the more “skulls” get activated and the more difficult things get until you don't even have a shot in hell of surviving. Last a good amount of time, get a high score. Die early and don't. It is tense, and incredibly exciting. ODST is a bit odd in that, while it is an expansion pack, it will actually keep your wallet from expanding by extorting 60 dollars from you. What you actually get for that money is the ODST single player, the brand new multiplayer mode “Firefight” and... Halo 3. Well, to be specific, you get a disc of the Halo 3 multiplayer that you most likely already play. This seems a bit of an odd move considering the vast majority of people purchasing this game already have all of the maps and play Halo 3 as if it were a religious commitment. The Halo 3 multiplayer disc comes with all of the DLC maps plus 3 new ones, but it just seems like it would have been easier to release each retail copy of ODST with codes to download all of the maps. This probably could have dropped at least ten bucks from the price and made a recommendation at least a little bit easier.                         This is one of those moments that I am incredibly happy FACEOFFGAMES doesn't force us into some draconian rating system, because I honestly don't know what quantifiable score I would give ODST. I don't think it is worth the asking price of a full game since half of the content provided is probably already owned by you, but that isn't saying that it is a bad game. I enjoyed ODST more than I enjoyed any facet of the Halo franchise since the original, and I only liked the original when I could play it on the PC. Luckily my opinion doesn't really matter since 90% of the gaming public has already made their decision on whether or not ODST is worth their time before it even came out. I'm surprised you even read this review. Maybe while I have your attention I should use this opportunity to talk about the state of the American health care system and do some good.   Well, the problem is that the right wing is so idiotic and absolutely out of touch th-                                

Ah, anime. The most often maligned, yet entirely enjoyable, form of foreign entertainment available to us on these shores. This is due in part to how insufferable most people who declare themselves “otaku” (weeaboos to the rest of us) actually are, and isn't an indictment to the artistic capability of the anime in question. With top notch animation, well crafted scores, and generally intricate and thought provoking storylines, anime should be considerably more respected than it is. BlazBlue, given to us as a gift from the gods that provided us with the criminally underrated Guilty Gear series, would be considered amongst the upper echelon of fighting lore if being inspired or related to anime wasn't so easily maligned thanks to the average American fan of it being borderline socially inept (no offense, of course, but if you don't consider Naruto a lifestyle choice than this mocking isn't directed towards you.) Although, on the other side of the spectrum, if you don't have at least a basic enjoyment of the style, this might not be the game for you. Everything from the animated intro to the games absolutely insane characters exudes anime aesthetic. If you don't watch out you'll probably slip in some of it when you go to grab new batteries for your controller, and trust me, you will be doing that a lot. Grabbing new batteries I mean, not slipping in made up anime goo. This game will eat a good amount of your time if you are a fan of fighters and want to perfect strategies at them. BlazBlue also offers you a ton of things to do, much more so than any recent Street Fighter or the woeful newest installment in King of Fighters. Whether you want to hop online and try your hand against humans, play a traditional arcade mode, try some score attack, or just get lost in the complicated storymode, you will find plenty of ways to kill a few hours with your virtual fists. Each of the wacked out characters in this game play completely different from the other. While there are only 12, this is forgiven because of that fact. Whether you are the sword wielding, health absorbing protagonist Ragna, the slow moving but incredibly strong Iron-Tager, the elusive and defensive minded Rachel Alucard, or, my personal favorite, the comical and hard hitting Bang Shishigami, you won't find yourself using the same strategy twice. While some more traditional fighter fans will be put off by the fact your skills with one character won't necessarily translate over to another, the vast differences between how each fighter plays add tons of replay value to a character.   BlazBlue also puts a stronger emphasis on strategy than simply inputting commands. For those just starting off the game is vastly forgiving by mapping four of your moves to the right analog stick. As long as you have the correct amount of “heat” (the BlazBlue term for your special gauge) or meet the unique conditions for your Astral Finish (the BlazBlue term for your largest special move) you can just flick the analog and perform the move. Each character also has roughly the same commands for their own moves. So while your strategies might not carry over from character to character, down down high attack will always perform a move for each character. This isn't to say that BlazBlue is overly simple. To really be successful at high difficulties or online you will have to become familiar with advanced combos. The emphasis on juggling and high number combos calls back to the Guilty Gear series and is a very welcome layer of strategy. BlazBlue is also one of therare fighters that provides you with an endlessly entertaining and well done online system while also giving you a deep and rich storyline- once again thanks to the huge amount of anime tropes they have wedged into it. Hopping online is easy, and the matchmaking system is incredibly well done. As long as you've put some hours into the game and honed your skills, you won't find yourself getting slaughtered by experts unless you are playing a social match against any rank, as long as you stick to your skill level you will be challenged but not frustrated. At least not anymore frustrated than any other fighting game, and that is quite a feat since they all generally make you feel more inadequate than your first sexual experience. At the time of this writing, about two months after the original release of the game, the lobbies are still well populated and the community is still large. You won't have any problem finding a match. More importantly you wont' have any problems with lag, and considering the sheer amount of stuff going on during one of BlazBlue's colorful and fast paced matches is a godsend.                       The aforementioned story mode is what really stood out to me about this game. Most fighters don't exactly push the envelope with their story, but BlazBlue is a huge exception. Each of the 12 characters has their own storyline, and each has multiple endings. Oh, and when I say multiple endings, I don't just mean two or three- each character has about ten different ending scenarios. You must view each one to gain a 100% score for that character, this means losing and winning different combinations of fights. This can get a little tedious, but viewing each of the alternate screens is pretty neat. The beauty is that every single ending, win or lose, special finish or regular, is actually a part of the canon. That may sound bizarre, but like I said, BlazBlue really brings an interesting anime plot to the table involving time loops and alternate realities. It is complicated, over dramatic, and just generally awesome. The story is conveyed to you through 2-D storyboard screens before and after each match. Some would complain that the lack of CGI or animated cut scenes is a negative, but considering the graphics are hand drawn 2-D against a 3-D background, having CGI cut scenes would have seemed out or place- and like Guilty Gear before it, the graphics are fantastic just the way they are. They also stand out even when the battle gets hectic, and the battle always gets hectic. This game is not for the epileptic. Each attack is accompanied by an appropriate battle cry and tons of flashing colors. This helps make each fight feel decidedly epic, as the capable blocking and defense system on top of the intuitive attacks and quickly refilling special bar makes things fast paced and generally even. I would also be remiss to not mention the fantastic score here. Wailing guitars aplenty, each characters theme song pumps you up for the battle. This may be one of the only game or anime soundtracks worth listening to outside of the game. Really, without exaggeration, the aesthetics help ,ale this is the most fun you are going to have with a fighting game in a good while. And yes, I'm aware Street Fighter IV exists.                   Now, I don't really “fanboy” it up for too many games, but to really hammer home how high my regards for this game are- I'm fully considering getting Rachel Alucard worked into my video game sleeve. You know, I may have mocked cosplayers pretty viciously in the past but I'm willing to extend an olive branch to the culture. If any girl reading this wants to dress in a gothic lolita style and pretend to be a vampire version of Uatu, well, I'll take you out to dinner. And by dinner I mean [editors note- removed for inappropriateness. Seriously, that didn't even sound physically possible Gavin.]

To be honest, I wasn't really entirely interested in Killing Floor before its release. I know a handful of people considered it an anticipated title, but I was hesitant. I only really became interested in it when my Left 4 Dead CAL clan all decided to purchase it. I gained a little bit more interest when I realized that this was actually the retail release of the UT mod of the same name. I love a good Mods to Riches story, who doesn't? One of the greatest games of all time, Counter-Strike, was originally a mod and now it is considered an iconic PC title. When a mod is plucked from the free community and invested in, it is because a company believes that mod is going to make money. This is how you can almost always bank on mods in this same situation being stellar. It is like when in baseball when some kid straight out of high school get bumped into AAA or even the pros, or in hockey when some 18 year old is on the starting lineup of a playoff contender, or in football when a team spends a high draft pick on a guy from a Junior College or Division II school. The person making the decision on putting this amateur in the limelight thinks that they are good enough to win games and make money. So, safe to say, I went from uninterested to checking the “Fully Interested” box on my Anticipatiometer. Then I saw the price point. 15 bucks preordered. I kind of did a double take. What was wrong with this game that made it so it couldn't even be put out at a normal price. Now, this isn't a slight towards some of the great value games that have come out recently, but even against those great titles they are weighed against a whole lot of weird and terrible crap. Again using my fantastic sports analogies from above, this would be more like that football team drafting a guy in the last round that is actually a downhill skier and thinking “Well, if it works we look like geniuses” and not having much to lose otherwise. Still, at the very least it had to be entertaining, right? Kind of. In Killing Floor you are either a cop or a soldier thrust into the middle of Armageddon. Much like Left 4 Dead or 28 Days Later, these are not traditional zombies, but instead failures of a vast cloning experiment gone all survival horror. You can either pick up or purchase a decent amount of weapons to protect yourself against the world republicans see if cloning was unregulated and encouraged. You fight wave after wave of these creatures until, eventually, they are all dead and the Trader opens her doors for you to come spend the money you've earned slaying zombie things on more weapons. Eventually you reach the end of all the waves and get to fight the grand daddy of all cloning experiments, The Patriarch, a bad ass clone with a bad ass chain gun. Why they thought it would be a good idea to clone something with a murderous chain gun is a question for another time. Only after beating him do you actually win the day. Sounds pretty exciting doesn't it? I hope so, because that is the only game mode contained within this title. One of the complaints levied against the initial release of Left 4 Dead was its lack of game modes or variation within (outside of its phenomenal and ever changing AI) but Killing Floor has even less to go on. Only five maps are shipped from the start, and while each map is large and relatively varied, you still know you are going to gravitate to the same point every time. The AI also isn't particularly advanced and pretty much just spawns arbitrarily around wherever your group is centered. It can get very predictable and limits the amount of teamwork needed. The inclusion of the roaming trader adds a bit more strategy to the game, as you have to judge where you camp out against the baddies and the distance from the trader, specifically you refilling your depleted ammo, and whether or not you can make it there in time. Very rarely do you actually have to make that decision, as I have yet to find a spot anywhere on the maps that I couldn't reach a trader on time to make my purchases. I'm sure maybe if I ran clear to the other side of the map by myself, I might not be able to get back to the surly and honestly pretty slutty trader, but I would deserve my cold death for doing anything that illogical. The different guns and different class specifications make shooting the clones relatively rewarding, and at first the games bullet (ZED) time makes going for the headshot that much more fun, but after a while it just gets repetitive and you wish you could turn the feature off. It is kind of helpful when a buddies ZED time helps you pop some well aimed shots off against some infected, but it really doesn't help you much and most of the time just happens while you might not even be in combat. It can be frustrating. To try and further vary the gameplay, Killing Floor also has a basic RPG element. Doing certain tasks such as causing damage with specific weapons or getting so many headshots will level up one of your classes, or perks, which you can activate during each wave. The perks don't really change the gameplay up to much, but they help to alleviate some of the repetitiveness that plagues this title. Technically speaking, the game isn't the freshest looking on the block, but it doesn't look bad. The entire thing is more Counter-Strike than Left 4 Dead, from the design choices to the teamplay elements. The only really negative point aesthetically is the sound and voice acting. The dialog would give Space Force: Rogue Universe a run for the All Your Base Award. They also initially had some serious problems with the server browser and connecting to games when it first launched, but in the time between when I started this review and now they seem to have corrected most of those problems. While it was obvious from the beginning that this shouldn't have been compared with Left 4 Dead like so many people on messageboards everywhere felt necessary to do, it still doesn't really stand out by itself either. Massive repetitiveness in the gameplay makes this hard to recommend. It really does just feel like a well polished mod, but not one that you will be going back to very often. However, the low price point does mean it takes less to get your moneys worth out of it, and if you are in the market for a survival horror game that feels a little bit more like CS than L4D, you might want to take a hard look at this. Ironically enough, this might be one to keep your eye on as the modding community gets a hold of it. Despite the flaws, this game has enough potential to end up standing out. Just not right now. Score: 52

As it seems to be the thing to do, I would like to jump into the waters of the whole "intro blog" thing that others on this site have been swimming in. I'll try not to pee in it. My name is Gavin, you might have seen some of my work in Hardcore Gamer Magazine or In Another Castle. You probably didn't though, as my growing student loan collection can attest to. The only two things I take seriously in life are writing and professional wrestling, although since I've paid to attend school for both of those things, maybe the only things I take seriously are things I spend money on. So I guess add strip clubs to the list. I attend Temple University as a journalism major with a minor in "hitting on freshman girls who don't know better outside of the food carts." I am more of a PC gamer than a console gamer, although I play anything and everything. My favorite system will always be the SNES. I like RPGs, but I don't like MASSIVE RPGs, there could be something freudian in that statement but it is really that I just don't like dedicating 100 hours a week to something I can't be better than somebody else at. Look at that, making enemies already. Along with my video game journalism and professional wrestling pipe dreams, I also dabble in fiction and writing graphic novels. I've had short stories published and am currently developing an online serial novel. I write a lot of steam/cyber/clock/splatterpunk and enjoy the style, mostly because I used to date a girl who did the whole steampunk thing and I have no shame when it comes to trying to impress dames and skirts. Luckily I was pretty good at it. I am a functioning geek and proud of it, you could have probably skipped everything I just wrote since I'm sure you've already come to that conclusion.

Velvet Assassin is a difficult game to attribute a score to. It seems that it gets a lot of things right that most games routinely miss the mark on, but then turns around and makes mistakes with certain aspects that should have been gimmes. In the game, you are Violette Summer, a particularly bad ass lady sent into the heart of the beast of World War II. Planted deep behind enemy lines and tasked with causing as much inglorious bastardizing to the German troops as one can conceive, you are privy to first hand experiences of the atrocities of war. The game starts questioning your moral pitch from the very beginning, as it picks up after a mission gone terribly wrong. Violette is stuck in a hospital bed, possibly mortally wounded, the drugs being pumped into her veins let her (although I doubt she enjoys the privilege) relive the moments from 12 of her previous missions. The more you learn about the plot the more dark and intriguing it really becomes. The entire game is heavy with questioning your morality and it helps to make Violette one of the more engaging and empathetic characters in recent history. The missions you play through are about what you would expect due to the World War II setting, but they are varied enough within themselves to keep the game paced well. Obviously the games mechanics are based around stealth, as if the word 'assassin' in the title wasn't enough for you to figure that one out. All the levels in this game are very dark, adding to the gritty and realistic feel of the game, and also aiding Violette in her dispatching her enemies and accomplishing her tasks. Don't expect the same amount of alternate routes and options to your target as, say, Hitman though, most of the levels stay fairly linear. You are, however, given a few interesting ways to end your enemies pesky breathing habits and they add a nice bit of depth to the game. My personal favorite is being able to sneak up on a soldier and actually pull the pin on one of their grenades. Messy, not very stealthy, but definitely rewarding. The game also does a good job of paying off your patience with stealth assassinations. Finishing a level and doing it with a minimum of fuss is a good feeling. This is a good thing, because the gun mechanics in this game are almost unbearable. Sluggish, inaccurate, and just generally terrible they do nothing but detract from a decent game experience. It would be one thing if the combat sucked because it isn't supposed to be the focal point of the game, ala Mirrors Edge , but Velvet Assassin throws a couple situations at you that are supposed to be high energy gun battles and really just end up being terrible exercises in futility. Perhaps the most puzzling gameplay mechanics is the inclusion of morphine. Occasionally you will find the drug hiding throughout a level and will be able to inject yourself with large amounts of it to enter some bizarre dream like state where you are nearly invulnerable and can simply dispatch foes at your will. For a game thats strongest point is its realism, the inclusion of this immersion shattering and insanely generic gameplay device is entirely confounding. It would be like taking Call of Duty 4 and adding magic powers to it just to spice things up. While the stealth gameplay may be rewarding, it isn't necessarily enough to save this game in the face of the unnecessary junkie strength and the horrible gunplay. What really gives this game its points is the atmosphere. Velvet Assassin does an absolutely phenomenal job of capturing how ugly war is and what a broad moral gray area it exists in. You will routinely stumble upon atrocities- whether it be slaughtered civilians piled up at an important choke point or the cries of prisoners being tortured and you being helpless to deviate from your goal and rescue them. Even the enemies will occasionally make you question yourself and your characters motivation when you overhear them speaking of the good times they've had or their families from back home. This game makes you feel for your enemies in ways that many of this genre overlook. Not every soldier you kill is some dark and evil German wolf looking to shed the blood of his enemies, many of them are just people who are far from their familes and in a difficult situation, but stand in the way of you accomplishing your mission. That isn't to say that they are all saints, and just as often as you hear a group of Germans discussing their girlfriends back in their home cities or the women they left in France, you will hear some relish their cold blooded murder of civilians or their torturing of prisoners of war, which make it feel that much better when you take them down in the goriest way possible. Something that doesn't make killing enemies very rewarding is how absolutely predictable the AI is. It isn't the worst AI I've seen by any standards, but considering the immersion and dedication to representing the realism of war, incredibly wooden and predictable AI reactions and paths just seem like an odd oversight. In the end, Velvet Assassin is definitely worth a playthrough. The grim view of war and entertaining stealth mechanics make it so it will certainly be entertaining, but the stodgy AI and useless gunplay keeps this from being a must have title. It really is a shame, because I am hard pressed to think of many games that capture the atrocities of war in such a realistic light. Well, except maybe Battlefield Heroes . That game gives my grandfather flashbacks. The horror, the colorful and cutesy horror. Score: 60